THIS TOO SHALL PASS
[ALL RIGHTS RESERVED]
BY RUI CARLOS DA CUNHA
Helpless and hopeless in this life to do but my duty. Endings indefinite drawn out into unknown time frames. Lapping the shore, the waves splashing like a cat with her tongue. Pulling water into her mouth slowly, everything becomes slow. Linger awhile on this good earth, the only place for us. Enter into demise, the game is up, les jeux sont faits. Struggle to stand, hind legs failing, what can I do but cry. Sorrow to watch, to not spend time as we used to do once.
Antithetical to belief is faith beyond knowledge. Nothing good in this world comes free, for freedom isn't free. Difficulties challenge my sense of what makes sense as good.
Horror at the sorrow, the speed of sheer decimation. Open my heart to the sorrow to feel, to suffer completely. Presence of mind could not save me, her bones dissolved to naught. Ever since a tumor, a growth at the base of her tail . . . Left me caught unawares, off-guard, by the time I noticed . . . Enter the knowledge of x-rays, before uncertainty. Some people are special, spirit drives their soul in this world. Some cats are spirit animals, familiars, caretakers.
If I could end her suffering and let happiness pass. Nothing good comes without sorrow, happiness is tainted.
To end her life by injection is, of course, the next step. Humans must let go of the good and accept suffering. In this world, sorrow reigns above the happiness of sand. Sand castles on the shore, the beach, the sun and salt water.
Let this moment pass into dusk, into twilight and death. In this life, tears must fall, parties must remain otherwise. For to seek joy in suffering is wrong-headed at best. Even if my grief would subside, I know my cat knows me.
The ephemeral crushes me, still it is not my death. Only then would it be easy, would it be easier?
Determined to do the right thing, I attend in patience. Obliged to act as caretaker of her physical needs.
But I am an emotional roller coaster upset. Under these conditions, I feel as any man who loves. Trauma and tragedy, how swift sorrow comes like vengeance.
Monster of a human being, this is how I see me. Yet I know this conceit is lies, a fiction I play with.
Duty is my obligation not to shirk but stand tall. Until the storm passes, the corpse emptied into the sea. To sail around the world and not lose a life is absurd. Yet I trust in the emptiness to navigate my soul.